Issue 19 pre-loading now

Okay CoH/CoV/GR operatives... you may have noticed a little "update" slipped in after you logged off of the system.

Yes, Issue 19 is pre-loading.

Which is strange for me because when I think "Issue 19", I'm not thinking "Alpha Strike". I'm thinking "Guardians of the Dawn Spotlight". Both of these WILL be out this month!

Oh, and don't tell anyone this (*wink-wink*) but here's the cover to the GotD Issue 19...


Looks good, huh? Yeah, it's "Phase 2" of the "Time and Changes" storyline, and this one will have some surprises you won't expect! Some names and faces from "Issue 0" will be returning.

Anyway, back to "Alpha Strike"...

For those who are not familiar with the pre-load, this is a way for the developers to get most of the big changes put in without being TOO much of an inconvenience.

So, for instance, you have 100mb worth of changes you want to put in. You COULD load them up before the game starts, like all of the other updates... but this would take a lot of time, especially for those who don't have high speed cable access.

OR... you could load the bulk of the changes after the player exits the game. So all of the maps, characters, mission data, sound files, additional features, will all be there prior to launch, and then on the day of the upgrade launch, you just send a small file with what few bug fixes need to be made and a code to switch the data. It saves a lot of time and hassle.

Plus the pre-load lets you know that the developers are REALLY CLOSE to releasing that new update, because they wouldn't be doing this if they weren't confident in about 95% of the material (giving that extra 5% for bug fixes and tweaks).

SO... next time you log off, give the devs those few minutes to pre-load Issue 19. You'll thank yourself later.

AND for the COMIC Issue 19, also due out in the next few weeks, check out the OFFICIAL Guardians website at:

GuardiansOfTheDawn.wordpress.com

RIKTI ALERT!

RIKTI ALERT!

This is a public service message brought to you on behalf of Vanguard, the United Nations Defense organization.

From this Thursday, November 4th, 9am ET until Monday, November 8th, 3am ET, all citizens in Paragon City and the Rogue Isles need to be on the lookout for extensive Rikti incursions.

Vanguard operatives believe that this will be the peak period for Rikti forces to attack Earth.

All citizens both powered and non-powered need to be prepared for probable Rikti incursions in their area.

Vanguard will try to give each area five minutes notice before the attack is believed to begin, followed by a warning that an attack has begun in that area. All citizens not engaged in the defense of this planet are urged to seek shelter immediately when they hear these warnings.

The most telltale sign of a Rikti attack will be the change in sky color to a sickly brown-green color, which is the main mothership approaching that area. Do not attempt to engage the main mothership as Vanguard forces will keep that ship from further approaching. Paragon City residents will also see the Rikti War Walls in their area power down. This is a necessary evil as most of the Vanguard resources will be employed to keeping the main mothership from approaching Earth.

Rikti forces attack in two waves. The first wave will consist of drop ships dropping bombs onto the area. Citizens are strongly urged to NOT approach any unexploded Rikti bombs as they are set to detonate later for maximum effect. Leave the bomb disposal to registered operatives and stay as far away as possible from such unexploded devices.

Also, DO NOT ATTEMPT to approach or engage the drop ships directly. Rikti drop ships will attack any being within range of their weapons, no matter if they are provoked. Drop ships can be defeated, however it will take extremely large numbers of experienced operatives to do so, and often at the cost of further damage to the area.

The second wave consists of ground forces being teleported directly from the mothership. These consist of Rikti soldiers, automated drones, and Rikti monkeys, and they will attack anyone they see, civilian or otherwise. Additional forces will be teleported in if they encounter resistance.

All operatives engaging in the defense of our planet are strongly encouraged to seek teams to combat this threat. By working together and utilizing all resources, you will survive. However, if you should succumb to the overbearing force of the Rikti, you will be allowed to use nearby medical services without incurring experience debt for the duration of the incursion.

The Rikti are aware of the time required before Vanguard heavy weapons are able to come to bear against their mothership and they will terminate all attacks and teleport all remaining ground forces prior to that point. Vanguard will notify you when this occurs.

Advance notice has been very helpful in the minimization of casualties, and Vanguard will continue to give the citizens of Earth as much advance notice as possible.

The Rikti may have advance technology and superior numbers, but they do not have our heart or our determination. We HAVE survived their assaults and with the help of brave operatives, we WILL continue to survive their assaults.

Paragon Pundit Hero Movie Review #21

Paragon Pundit Hero Movie Review

#(21): Superman/Batman: Apocalypse

Before I go into the actual review I feel compelled to give you a complete understanding of one of the key characters in this movie. One of the most troublesome characters for DC Comics of late was one that they had pretty much written off for several years before finally killing her.

Supergirl really didn’t have too much of an appeal as her cousin Superman did. She was sexy and powerful, but not as much as Wonder Woman. Superman could save the world three times a day and in five different comic series, while Supergirl mostly worried about her love life, her friendship with Batgirl (Barbara Gordon), her parents in the bottled Kandor City, and keeping her identity secret.

Her greatest hurrah came during the Crisis on Infinite Earths series, where whole multiple universes were eliminated, and Kara Zor-El dramatically gave her life to save her world and deal a mortal blow to the Anti-Monitor. The event was a shocking turn in the story that would galvanize Superman’s resolve to see the Anti-Monitor destroyed by any means necessary.

And then… she was forgotten. She was written out of the DC Universe, because the new One Earth Only canon dictated that Kal-El of Krypton was the ONLY survivor of that planet.

There were a few attempts to fill the gap, though. Fan-favorite Power Girl still existed as a member of the Justice Society, but her history was retconned a few times so she wouldn’t be an Earth-2 refugee and alternate-universe cousin to Superman, but rather she was a time-lost survivor of Atlantis. She became a Justice League member, and sadly reduced to being an emotional time bomb. She was the foul-tempered “Hot Lips Houlihan” to the “Hawkeye and Trapper” comedy team of Blue Beetle and Booster Gold. She would finally get her respect, and her history, but not before leaving the Justice League and going back to the Justice Society. But even then she could not fill the gap of Supergirl. She was her own woman - with the emphasis on WOMAN - and with the cleavage-showing costume to prove it.

DC tried to bring Supergirl back as an alternate-universe creation using the same plot hole they used to justify having Superboy (another casualty of the Crisis retcon) still serve as the inspiration to the Legion of Super-Heroes. This Supergirl existed in a “pocket universe” in which their Superboy was killed. Soon after, that universe’s Lex Luthor (who didn’t go bald or bad) accidentally released three criminals from the Phantom Zone… yes, Zod, Ursa, and Non… who take over the world. Grief-stricken, Lex creates a “protomater matrix” being (later known as “Matrix”) first to replace Lana Lang (one of the first victims of the Kryptonians) and then later gives her powers so she could become a symbol of the resistance. She would end up being the last survivor of that universe, rescued only by Superman of the “normal” universe. DC allowed her to mature into her own character as Supergirl and played a key role in the “Doomsday” and “World Without A Superman” storylines. Eventually, though, the writers decided to mess with her some more, merging her with a human named Linda Danvers so she could have a human family, giving her a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse hooker costume (to match the one in the animated TV series) making her a fire-powered angel, and eventually really messing things up by switching places with the Pre-Crisis Supergirl, falling in love with Pre-Crisis Superman and having their lovechild, and then finally just becoming a full-blown fallen angel before falling into storyline limbo never to be seen again.

A second attempt to bring Supergirl back involved a future-born daughter of Superman and Lois Lane sent to the past to stop Brainiac-13 from taking over. The storyline was so badly convoluted that getting rid of her was actually a godsend.

Finally we get to THIS incarnation of Supergirl, whose origin became the second storyline in the “Superman/Batman” comic series, and the basis for this current review.

“Superman/Batman: Apocalypse” was released by Warner Brothers as a direct-to-video movie in 2010 and serves as the follow-up to “Superman/Batman: Public Enemies”. The movie features returning voice actors Tim Daly and Kevin Conroy playing Superman and Batman, along with “Justice League” actress Susan Eisenberg returning as Wonder Woman, “Serenity/Firefly” actress Summer Glau, Andre Braugher, and Ed Asner returning from “Superman: The Animated Series” and “Justice League Unlimited” to play Granny Goodness (and, no, that is NOT a mistake).

We start the movie with a quick reference to the events in “Public Enemies”, how ex-President Lex Luthor was awaiting his criminal trial, and that the last remnants of the monstrous Kryptonite meteor were falling but thankfully the world was saved by Superman and Batman. As we hear that, a large chunk of K-rock falls into Gotham Harbor.

Batman (Conroy) investigates the impact to discover there was a spaceship in the meteor, and that it was already opened. Meanwhile, a nude woman (conveniently hidden in shadows of course) steals the Bat-Boat and crashes it on shore. She walks into the streets of Gotham, getting an overcoat from a dock worker to cover herself up before encountering Gotham police officers. She (Glau) speaks a strange language before being whisked skyward by her own uncontrolled power. She encounters Batman, who subdues her with a piece of the Kryptonite rock he fished from the harbor. Taken to the Bat-cave, she meets Superman (Daly) and discovers that he is her cousin from Krypton.

She is taken to the Fortress of Solitude, where Batman still has his suspicions of her. Even Krypto doesn’t like Kara Zor-El, wherein Batman comments that the dog is a good judge of character. Superman takes Kara shopping in his disguise as Clark Kent (BIIIIIG mistake, Clark - you should have let Lois do it) and enjoys a hot dog (yes with all of the usual jokes about the food). But this time together is short-lived as Wonder Woman (Eisenberg) and a team of Amazon warriors kidnap Kara and bring her to Paradise Island for training. This was Batman’s idea, of course, as it would teach Kara to fight and to control her abilities. Superman, of course, doesn’t approve.

Meanwhile, Granny Goodness (Asner) oversees the training of her Female Furies when she is interrupted by Darkseid (Braugher). Darkseid knows that Kal-El’s cousin has appeared and he wants Granny’s furies to bring her to him.

Kara makes friends with Lyla - whom comic fans will remember as Harbinger from “Crisis on Infinite Earths” - although Lyla is plagued with visions of Superman fishing out a blond girl’s dead body from the water. She keeps the visions to herself… and to Batman and Wonder Woman… as she enjoys her time with Kara.

Suddenly, a Boom Tube from Apocalypse appears, bringing forth… Doomsday, the only creature that could (and once did) kill Superman. Then we see a whole ARMY of Doomsday clones. Wonder Woman rallies the Amazons together to fight the monsters, but they are clearly overpowered until Superman unleashed his heat vision and vaporizes the clones. Batman realizes that this was only a diversion, and we find that Lyla’s vision has come true.

At this point I’m going to have to stop the recap because I don’t want to give too much away. Sufficient to say we see the “Big Trinity” of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman recruiting Big Barda so they could travel to Apocalypse to face Darkseid, but saying anything more would be too much of a spoiler.

The overall story suffers on a few points, and - as usual - the biggest ones are at the end. This is another movie where the story starts off GREAT and then they have to struggle to keep it going to the end. The story fails to fully use the cast of characters seen in “Public Enemies” and instead only gives lip service to the previous movie at the very beginning and then forgetting about it completely. Introducing Barda into the mix was another refreshing step, especially seeing her team up with Wonder Woman in the big battle on Apocalypse. And while the final battle was somewhat refreshing, even the ending came up short.

The animation falls flat in several areas. Where “Public Enemies” had hints of anime (especially with Power Girl), “Apocalypse” goes all-out, with a look that is more “Cowboy Bebop” and “Samurai Champloo” than anything resembling a Bruce Timm production. Here’s a hint for DC producers: next time you want to emulate anime, think more Kenichi Sonoda than Shinichirō Watanabe. This is especially true with the portrayal of Darkseid.

The only positive point here is the vocal talent, and even that has one sore spot. I’m sorry, but Andre Braugher does NOT do a good Darkeid. Just like only Mark Hamill can do the voice of Joker, only Michael Ironside can do the voice of Darkseid. On the other hand, Summer Glau does an excellent Kara, and the vocal combination of Daley, Conroy, and Eisenberg did not fail. And Ed Asner does Granny so well you really wouldn’t know it was a man until you saw the credits.

The follow-up to this movie is a DC Spotlight mini-movie featuring Green Arrow. As with the “Spectre” mini-movie, this story works within the DC Universe and stars Neil McDonough as Oliver Queen/Green Arrow and Malcom McDowell as Merlyn. The movie has a look and feel of “Die Hard 2”, with Oliver trying to save a young visiting queen from being taken by Merlyn and Count Vertigo in the middle of a busy airport. This was actually a much better production than the main feature, both in story and quality. In fact the people behind this mini-movie should be the ones in charge of future productions provided they can carry the same quality on through.

Bonus features (if you spring for the $19 2-disc special edition) include the “Little Girl Lost” story from “Superman: The Animated Series” and a look back at the history of Supergirl, but if you aren’t interested in either, you can always get the regular DVD.

In short, “Apocalypse” was not necessarily a “Superman/Batman” story as it was a “Superman” story, and that pretty much summed up the rest of the main feature. It has potential, but it still fell short in too many ways.

Capes:	Despite having the “DC Trinity”, it only gets four out of five capes.
Cheese:	Thankfully just Swiss Cheese (1).
Books:	Unlike “Public Enemies”, which started strong and ended weak, there was weakness all around, which kept the story only at three out of five books.

Important News from Vanguard!

The following message was sent to the Chronicles from the Herald division of Vanguard:

Vanguard intelligence warns that the Rikti high command is preparing to unleash a new wave of attacks on Earth. Dark Watcher believes the new wave of incursions should start on Thursday, November 4th, and last until Sunday, November 7th.

Residents of Paragon City and the Rogue Isles should be on alert for the warning signs and take shelter when they hear the sirens.

There is no word as to whether or not this also applies to Praetoria, as it is not known if the Rikti are aware of that universe.

Halloween Event 2010

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

While that may seem a bit premature, it's actually a little late for Paragon City and the Rogue Isles.

The 2010 Halloween Event is now upon us, and for the first time it affects the Praetorian Universe.

From October 21st until early November 1st, Paragon City, the Rogue Isles, and Praetoria will be in 24-hour darkness. Mystical forces will keep all three areas in perpetual night (except for Cimerora, The Hive and The Abyss), allowing heroes, villains, rogues, and vigilantes to take part in all of the strange and mysterious things that will occur.

Trick-Or-Treating: This is one of the most popular features. Knock on any door... ANY door... and you can either get a treat (random rare goodies) or tricks (Halloween-themed monsters that will kick your butt). You can also get special costumes (for a limited period only) and if you collect enough of them you get special badges.

Zombie Apocalypse: At random times during this period, you will have to deal with a Zombie Apocalypse... which means the skies turn blood red (which is more profound since we're dealing with 24-hour night) and the dead crawl up from the ground and go after anyone living. This is NOT a time to be standing around, unless you're next to an automated sentry unit. The longer you still live, the more zombies that will come after you. And they WILL get stronger and tougher and more powerful as time goes by. Like dealing with the Rikti, you need to team up, and preferably the maximum size possible. Kick enough undead butt and you'll get a special Pumpkinhead helmet that you can use at any time of the year.

Deadly Apocalypse: Think the zombies were bad enough? At random times during this period, you will also have to deal with the Deadly Apocalypse, which means the sky gets foggy (which doesn't mean much since you're already in darkness) and four mystical banners appear in your zone. Each banner is defended by different monsters based on the nature of the banner (and you can see where these banners are on the map). The hard part is that you have to defeat the monsters watching the banner before you can attack the banner, and you have to destroy ALL FOUR BANNERS in order to win. Note: this is impossible to do! Several members of the Guardians of the Dawn have tried repeatedly last year to take part in this challenge and no matter how many people take part in this challenge, they have been unable to destroy ALL FOUR banners in the time allowed. Good luck for those of you who want to try.

Giant Monsters: Oh, you think we're done with the misery? THINK AGAIN! Eochi and Jack-in-Irons are back to randomly terrorize the zones, and they don't show up alone. If you decide to take them on (like Galatea Powers and Lyon Powers did last year) make sure you're not alone either.

And now with the launch of Going Rogue and the new Tip Mission system, we have a special Whispered Rumored Tip Mission which will give you an opportunity to get different badges depending on how you handle this mission. (It's a little complicated, so please take advantage of these hyperlinks to give you more information.)

That's a lot of stuff to deal with. Oh, and Praetoria will have a new witch that will help you with the BEST part of Halloween Event... the Halloween Masks! Unlock that extra costume slot if you can get four Halloween Masks! Just be aware that doing so WILL trigger a new Zombie Apocalypse. The good news is that this feature carries through even when the Halloween Event ends, so you don't have to panic if you don't have all four masks right away. (And FORGET trying to buy one unless you literally have MILLIONS of Inf in your account. Wait until after the event if you want to go that route.)

And just think... once this is through, the Winter Event is just a few weeks away.

Is THIS The Coming Storm?

City of Heroes is getting ready to release Issue 19: Alpha Strike, the first post-Going Rogue update in the City of Heroes universe.

With it, we see the debut of a character that was previously only seen in the comics: Apex.

Yes, the star of the original "City of Heroes" comic series is back, and just in time as Tyrant has launched his new campaign to take over the Paraverse!



Will the evil version of Statesman succeed? That's up to the heroes. And is THIS what Mender Silos warned was the "Coming Storm"? We'll just have to find out.

There will be a few more things with the update... such as the merging of transport systems, so you can use one subway or one ferry to go anywhere. Speaking of transports, if you have Going Rogue, your non-Praetorian characters WILL be able to access that universe through Pocket D.

Plus, the Fitness Power Pool will now become an inherent power pool. SO if you've already loaded up on heath, stamina, speed, and leaping, you'll probably have to shuffle things around again. Good thing you have those Respecs, right?

AND Issue 19 will be the start of a new level of play... with the first step in becoming an INCARNATE!

Oh, and should I also mention that Halloween is approaching? Get your days in the sun out of the way, because on October 21st, it'll go dark and stay dark until November 1st.

New Party Pack

Normally I'm pretty excited about new add-ons for City of Heroes/Villains/Going Rogue.

Normally I am... but not this time.

Okay, here's the skinny... NCSoft/Paragon Studios/the people behind City of Heroes/Villains/Going Rogue have released a special add-on pack called the PARTY PACK.

Here's the trailer.



Now with previous add-ons, there are a few additional features such as costume pieces, emotes, special weapons or objects, transformation sequences, and then that little "extra" feature that really makes it worth the purchase.

But... what you see in the trailer is really what you get with this add-on. Eight emotion (emote) commands; three involving dancing, three dealing with sports, one that involves opening an exploding gift box (which is the same as the holiday gifts you get), and one where you're doing air guitar. THAT'S IT!

No additional costumes, no extra items... just eight emotes that can keep you busy.

Not too much of a quality of life improvement there, guys.

Oh, and by sports, I don't mean your characters actually PLAY the sports in question. Sure you can dribble the basketball, but you're not PLAYING basketball. You can kick the soccer ball, but you're not PLAYING soccer. You're chalking the pool cue, but you're not PLAYING pool, even if you're in front of the pool table.

And then there's the price... $7.99. When normal booster packs with even MORE stuff to use costs $9.99, charging $7.99 is just way too much. $3.99 maybe. Or better still they should have just included it in Issue 18 that was just released to coincide with Going Rogue, or held off until Issue 19.

In fact it would have been BETTER to include it in Issue 18 because as a standalone upgrade without Going Rogue, it was pretty weak.

In short, folks, I really can't say that you should get this feature. It's just not worth the price they want for eight idle emotes. If you have the money to spend and if you REALLY NEED those emotes, then maybe. But it's not really an earth-shattering gimme feature like other add-ons.

Sorry NCSoft/Paragon Studios, but you dropped the ball on this one.

I HATE CAVES!

Okay, I have to say it...

I
HATE
CAVE
MISSIONS!

I don't just mean dislike... I mean HATE, with all of the passion and fury that the word is connected to.

I DREAD getting a mission that requires me to go into a cave. As soon as I see that cavern entrance or mineshaft door, I have to cringe because that means going into a hell that I would just as soon eliminate.

Now bear in mind there are all sorts of different underground missions to deal with. There are snake holes, there are caverns that lead into Rikti bases, there are sewers, and there are the various caverns of Oranbega. There are even SNOW caves during the holidays. But even those don't compare to the overall frustration of a regular straightforward mineshaft CAVE mission.

So why do I hate them? I have five ways right off-the-bat.

5. Much like Chickenman, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!

I can understand the reason for Oranbega caverns... Paragon City is supposed to be built on top of the remains of this very ancient city. But why come up with all sort of mineshaft caves on top of that? At least Sharkhead Isle has a reason for all those mineshafts. They have an actual MINE. Why waste our time with mineshafts in Perez Park, Steel Canyon, Atlas Park, Galaxy City, and anyplace that are clearly CITY settings?

4. They're the WORST places for gang activity!

Who was the genius who came up with the idea that street gangs would be having a turf war in a mineshaft? You don't have turf wars or make drug deals or weapon deals in caves. You make them in alleyways and abandoned warehouses, and you battle in the STREETS so everyone knows there's a power play going on! If the Trolls can go on a rave in the middle of Skyway City, then the Skulls and Hellions should be able to have shoot-outs in the middle of the street as well.

3. They're structurally UNSOUND!

Okay, it's bad enough that Paragon City has Oranbega and the Rikti AND the Minions of Igneous AND the Trolls AND Devouring Earth... but do they really have to have even MORE mineshaft caves on top of all of that? What is keeping the rest of Paragon City from sinking into the ground? Fairy dust?

Forget the Trolls, I think what REALLY hollowed out Eastgate were the geniuses with a cave fetish.

2. They're easy to get STUCK in!

With all of the crevices and corners in a standard mineshaft cave, it's hard to maneuver around in, even IF you have flight, and that's BEFORE they throw in crystalline formations and little pockets of nowhere that you have to backtrack to get out of.

And finally...

1. They are the WORST PLACES EVER for a rescue or "defeat all" mission!

Whoever came up with the idea that you should have a "defeat all" mission in a mineshaft cave needs to be keel-hauled repeatedly and then have salt poured over their wounds. There is nothing more frustrating than having to go through an ENTIRE mineshaft cave, complete with dead-ends, pitfalls, rock platforms, to find that ONE bad guy that is hiding in a corner just so you can complete your mission.

And while a rescue mission would be okay if your objective was to just REACH that person, having to then LEAD that person back out is made even more problematic when you're in a mineshaft cave, where you have a hard enough time getting TO that person, never mind getting them back out. At least a snake cave or a Rikti cavern or even some Oranbega caverns are all on the same level. Oh, and guess what happens if the person you're leading out is stuck in a corner? Yeah, you have to try to backtrack to find them.

I know some of the newer missions have more realistic goals, such as "eliminate five baddies" and then completing the main objective instead of the burdensome "eliminate all". That's a start, but a better way to make these missions tolerable would be to simply get rid of at least half (and I'd even say ninety percent) of the mineshaft cave entrances. This is supposed to be "City of Heroes" and "City of Villains"... not "City of Lara Croft" or "City of Mineshafts".

Let's leave the caves for something that would be really NEED one! I, for one, am SICK TO DEATH of them!

Paragon Pundit Hero Movie Review #20

Paragon Pundit Hero Movie Review

#20: The Justice League of America TV Movie

A hero in Paragon City recently wondered what my review would be of the live-action Justice League movie.

Well, you asked for it…

I’m sure some of you are scratching your heads when the words “live-action” and “Justice League” come about. Most people know of the Justice League - the all-star superhero team of DC Comics - only through the animated groups, either in the “Justice League” animated series, the direct-to-video movies (which I will get to later), “Super Friends”, or the 1967 episodes of “The Superman/Aquaman Hour of Adventure”. But, yes, there WERE live-action incarnations as well, much to the regret and overall embarrassment of the hero community.

The first live-action incarnation of the “Justice League” was the “Legends of the Superheroes” specials that were known best for reuniting the campy “Batman” characters headed by Adam West, Burt Ward, and Frank Gorshin. It was super-campy and super-lame, and it made you want to burn your Spandex outfit just for even knowing it exists.

The second incarnation was a 1997 TV movie that was supposed to be a back-door pilot to a future TV series, but thankfully that series never materialized, and the TV movie never EVER aired on American television.

So how did anyone know it even existed? Well, it never aired on any AMERICAN television station. But it aired in a few countries, and a few of those folks taped it and sold the footage in bootleg markets along with the X-rated “Supergirl” parody, the pre-released Roger Corman “Fantastic Four” movie, and a few others.

This movie starred Kimberly Oja, John Kassir, Matthew Settle, Michelle Hurd, Kenny Johnston, David Ogden Stiers, and Miguel Ferrer. It takes place in the fictional city of New Metro. Why they chose to make up a name like “New Metro” instead of taking from already-established cities in the DC Comics universe like Star City, Keystone City, Coast City, Empire City, Gateway City, Happy Harbor, Park City, or even Dairyland (that’s an old “Super Friends” reference), is probably one of a million things that shouldn’t matter.

We start with a bunch of heroes in their civilian attire struggling to live day-by-day. Shy and awkward Tori Olafsdotter (Oja) works at the local weather institute, who, along with her boss, Dr. Eno (Ferrer) observes a huge storm spawning in the middle of the city. Barry Allen (Johnston) is a slacker who got kicked out of his apartment but was called away while his now-ex-landlord was trashing his stuff. Guy Gardner (Settle) is trying to impress his girlfriend, but obviously his plans are ruined by the developing storm. B.B. Da Costa (Hurd) is auditioning for a fruit-themed commercial when the storm forces her to leave. Ray Palmer’s (Kassir) class is interrupted by a mysterious call as well as the sudden storm. Tori and Eno watch as a tornado appears in the city after watching video footage of “The Weatherman” laying claim to the damage and destruction that was to come.

As the city is trashed, we see the heroes save the day in their own unique ways. Guy, as Green Lantern, saves a boy from a downed power line. B.B., as Fire, cuts through a metal wall with her flames to save trapped construction workers. Barry, as The Flash, uses his super-speed to counter the winds and bring the storm to a quick end. And Ray, as The Atom, shrinks down… to rescue a trapped cat. Yes, that is his great contribution to this crisis.

Crisis averted, and later on Tori discovers a mysterious machine in a locked room at the institute, which she spills some water on and it hits her with some strange electricity. She seems okay, but afterward random things around her just freeze. She tries to rescue a drowning man, but the water freezes around him when she comes in contact with it. Later she is abducted and interrogated by the heroes about what she knows of The Weatherman. She’s released and is convinced that the whole abduction and interrogation thing was just a bad dream.

The Weatherman soon strikes again, this time with a hailstorm in the heart of New Metro, and a threat to the city to pay him $20 million “or else”. The hail ruins Guy’s date (again) and this time around he has to save his girlfriend as Green Lantern long enough for Fire to melt the hailstones above them.

Later at the institute’s fundraiser, the League members infiltrate themsevles in the crowd, allowing Ray to befriend Tori in his civilian guise. Ray then sneaks himself into the computer system (with a really BAD version of laser limbo) to discover the devices that The Weatherman used to manipulate the weather. Tori finds out that her boss is really The Weatherman and goes to Ray looking for help. The League takes her (blindfolded) to their underwater headquarters, which is a crashed alien ship. There Tori meets J’onn J’onzz (Stiers). J’onn asks Tori to join the League, promising to help train her in using her powers, which mostly consists of the Leaguers walking around shivering as Tori tries to freeze a simple drop of water in front of her.

Eno tricks Tori into bringing a tracking device to the League’s headquarters, and then Eno threatens to destroy New Metro with a tidal wave and sends a heat ray to the underwater ship. The League (except for J’onn, who thinks that 300 degrees is a “summer day”) escape to “deal” with the impending disaster, which consists of Flash running around scurrying abandoned children to safety, Atom riding on Fire’s shoulders looking around like idiots, and Lantern finding Eno and not being able to stop the tidal wave even though HE HAS A POWER RING! That leaves dazed-and-confused Tori, who somehow manages to stop the tidal wave by freezing it solid, even though she couldn’t freeze a drop of water earlier.

Later, Tori ponders over joining the League, and is finally convinced to join when Atom removes his mask and reveals himself to her as Ray Palmer. At that point she takes the unspoken pledge and J’onn welcomes her to the Justice League. We end the movie with a quick recap cast list of the “public” heroes, followed by them doing the “Buckaroo Banzai Strut” down the city. If you don’t know what that is, you need to see the end credits to “The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension”, or the opening credits to Joss Wheaton’s “Angel” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, or the opening to the “Justice League” animated series. I just think of it as the “Buckaroo Banzai Strut” and start whistling the theme song.

There… I just saved you guys some bootleg video money.

Of course, all through this movie are little “human” troubles… such as Barry not being able to keep a job, Guy losing his girlfriend, Ray not being able to fix anything, and B.B. with a stalker-like suitor who accidentally discovers her secret identity. Oh, and did I mention they all (except for Tori) live in the same house? Well they have to now because Barry lost his apartment.

Let’s see… where do I begin with this abomination?

Right off the bat… a Justice League WITHOUT “The World’s Greatest Super-Heroes” sucks. No Batman, no Superman, and no Wonder Woman means that it SUCKS. There is no way around it. It SUCKS. Period.

Of course I can understand why they wouldn’t want to include Superman after the whole Nuclear Man shtick. And the Batman franchise had JUST tanked with “Batman and Robin”. Bringing in Wonder Woman at that point would… well it would result in plenty of Freudian jokes and references about her chest. Plus it would be hard to see anyone play the most famous star-spangled Amazon after Lynda Carter did it so well.

About the only things missing from this “Super-Buddies” group are Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, Oberon, and either Doctor Light or Power Girl, although with the latter you would again deal with Freudian jokes about chests. But even that would be a step above the banter they do give.

With the exception of Guy Gardner, the costumes SUCK. Atom and Flash both have masks that look like the ridges of J’onn’s brow. Atom looks like a linebacker in his costume. And Flash… I’m sorry, but for a man with supposedly a hyper-accelerated metabolism, he looks like he wolfed down fifty pizzas before squeezing into his Spandex. Fire and Tori (who is only referred to as “Ice” in the credits and is only seen in-costume then) use colored mascara and a shock of color in their hair as their disguise. And people aren’t supposed to know who they are? And for a shape-shifter, J’onn seems to emulate less like a hero and more like Orson Wells, but I suppose that is understandable given the casting.

That brings us to the characters… which also SUCK. Guy Gardner as a sensitive and understanding software salesman? Guy Gardner is a special needs coach and a major league d-bag who wanted EVERYONE from day one to know that he was a Green Lantern. Barry Allen is a police scientist… not to mention - at that time - very, very DEAD. Wally West would have been a better fit for the comedic slacker role. Ray Palmer is a physicist and noted expert in nanotechnology, not a goofy high school teacher who can’t even fix a TV set. Fire and Ice are international fashion models who used their hero status to further their careers. The people seen in this movie are NOTHING AT ALL like the comic book characters they are supposed to be. It’s almost as though the producers told a bunch of clueless writers who have never read a comic book in their lives “Here are a bunch of names and costumes - go make something up that doesn’t look too much like a rip-off of a certain popular NBC sitcom.”

The story… or what little there is of it… also SUCKS. We’re talking “Justice League Antarctica” sucks. We’re talking Bat-Credit-Card SUCKS. We’re talking Superman God-Gaze with amnesia kiss SUCKS.

Guy Gardner has the most powerful ring in the universe, capable of moving whole planets, and he can’t save the Weather Device from being thrown off a tower, block a heat ray, open an elevator door, or stop a tidal wave? Fire couldn’t evaporate the rushing water? Flash couldn’t set up a counter-wave with his vibrations? No it’s all up to Tori, who couldn’t even freeze a drop of water in a Petri dish, who somehow manages to freeze the WHOLE wave right before it falls on her head.

I haven’t been this disappointed with a hero-themed movie since Cathy Lee Crosby did a blonde non-powered flat-chested covered-up Wonder Woman in 1974. CBS actually did their viewers a huge favor by not airing it on US networks. It’s just a pity that SOMEONE still saw it and started spreading it around for the rest of us to watch, much to our later regret.

I’d say that this was all a Nemesis plot, but I doubt even Nemesis would want to put his name on something as miserable as this.

Capes:	One out of five, and I’m being generous.
Cheese:	Full-bore smelly rotted limburger (5) cheese all around.
Books:	One out of five, and, again, I’m being generous.

Going Rogue IS LIVE!

After all of the hype, it's finally here...

CITY OF HEROES: GOING ROGUE



The world of online gaming has now gone beyond "good" and "evil". The lines from here on in become blurred as a whole new universe is opened up for you to explore!

No more will good guys stay in Paragon City and bad guys stay in the Rogue Isles. Now good guys can go bad, and bad guys can redeem themselves.

Be a hero, be a villain, or be a PRAETORIAN!